Lessons Learned the Hard Way

I've been reflecting on life a lot lately. I've had time to, seeing as I'm unemployed, and I've been examining a lot of the decisions that have led me to this point. I've been working on a list of some of the lessons I've learned the hard way in my 28 years, in the hopes that I can keep others from repeating some of the mistakes I've made.

(1) Don't drink on an empty stomach; you will regret it.

(2) "International Studies" is not a lucrative major.

(3) In the same vein as the above--No one's going to pay you for being able to read Camus in the original French.

(4) Don't mix cold medicines with alcohol. You may wake up to find your car rotated 90 degrees in its parking space.

(5) Maybe almost always means no.

(6) No seriously--do NOT drink on an empty stomach, no matter how good an idea it seems at the time.

(7) Be sure you know what you're doing before you start cooking and eating your own oysters.

(8) Beer forgotten and left in the freezer will become a sort of beer slushy and make a really big mess all over your other food.

(9) Don't allow filming while playing Dance Dance Revolution. You will be laughed at by your "friends."

I've made these mistakes so you don't have to. Avoid these common pitfalls and you can lead a happy and rewarding life.