The worst thing I've ever eaten

Yesterday, I had the privilege of consuming what is without a doubt the most disgusting thing I have ever eaten. I knew it would be trouble when the foods preceeding it included goya and natto...

I was participating in a seminar for students as a group leader. Over the weekend, the students participated in many different activities. One of the last activities was the innocently entitled "quiz." As part of the quiz, the group leaders had to eat a variety of foods, some good and some not so good, and the students had to guess whether the teacher thought it was "Yummy" or "Blagh." We were supposed to keep a straight face when we ate, so as not to give any hints. It started off ok, with the Japanese version of cotton candy. I had never seen this before, and I was surprised by just how must it resembled actual cotton. While American cotton candy more invokes the idea of cotton, Japanese cotton candy looks like it could be used to stuff and pillow or wipe make-up off one's face. It was borderline "Yummy." Next came umeboshi, a sour Japanese plum. While this is one of many things that foreigners are not supposed to be able to stomach, again, it was borderline "Yummy." Things deteriorated from there. Next there were goya chips. I hadn't tried goya before coming to Japan, and I definitely don't recommend it. It looks innocuous enough; it's a green vegetable that resembles zucchini. At first, it tastes fine, but once it's been in your mouth for about 20 seconds, a timer goes off and your entire mouth is filled with a bitter taste that can't be rinsed out. This was how it was when eating the goya chips. At first I thought, "This isn't so bad. I don't see what the big deal is." Then the bitter bomb went off, and I could barely hide the look of displeasure on my face.

In Japan, there are certain foods that foreigners are not supposed to be able to handle. They include umeboshi, sushi, and the infamous natto. Originally, it was my goal to spend an entire 3 years in Japan without consuming natto. I didn't need to eat it to know it was bad. Knowing that it was made of fermented soy beans was good enough for me. Some people will, for example, watch a movie they know is going to be bad based on reviews and plot summary, still hoping it will actually be good. Not only do these people usually end up agreeing that the movie sucks, they are usually disappointed that that movie about the zombies taking on the flying monks didn't live up to its potential. I am not one of those people. If I can tell a movie is going to be bad, I won't watch it. Likewise, if I can infer that a food is going to be disgusting based on its ingredients, I don't need to eat it to prove the point.

Unfortunately, yesterday I didn't have a choice. I had to eat natto. I knew that it was supposed to look bad a smell even worse, but what I didn't expect was that I would actually be able to see the green and blue mold growing on it. I ate one bean. My face immediately screwed up in disgust. The kids had no problem guessing that I thought it was "Blagh."

Last came the vegemite. I had never thought that this food would actually be incredibly bad. I always thought that if a continent of people thought it was good enough to slather on their toast, it would be ok. Then again, there are also entire countries that think rotten soy beans are an acceptable dish, so I should have known better. I took a pea-sized amount on my chopstick. It was brown and had the consistency of caramel. I put it in my mouth. It was very acidic. I don't remember much else about the taste, because almost immediately I could taste bile in the back of my throat. If I had to describe the taste of vegemite, I would say it tasted like what I imagine syrup of epikak would taste like. It also has a very similar effect. I turned my back to the students to hide the tears welling up in my eyes. I took a few deep breaths and concentrated on keeping my breakfast down. This lasted for a couple of minutes. How you could ever consume a large amount of that substance, I don't know.